PRACTICING REAL LOVE
"Love is not a natural response that gushes out of us unbidden. Infatuation sometimes does that---at the beginning of a relationship at least---but hate is always ready to naturally spring forth, like the 'Old Faithful' geyser at Yellowstone National Park. Christian love, on the other hand, must be chased after, aspired to, and practiced. The popular culture completely misunderstands this principle. One of the cruelest and most self-condemning remarks I've ever heard is the one that men often use when they leave their wives for another woman: 'The truth is, I've never loved you.' This is meant to be an attack on the wife---saying in effect, 'The truth is, I've never found you lovable.' But put in a Christian context, it's a confession of the man's utter failure to be a Christian. If he hasn't loved his wife, it is not his wife's fault but his. Jesus calls us to love even the unlovable-even our enemies!---so a man who says 'I've never loved you' is a man who is saying essentially this: 'I've never acted like a Christian.'"
SACRED MARRIAGE by Gary Thomas