LEARNING HOW TO DIE

This past summer, my oldest daughter spent two months as part of an Adventures in Missions Expedition team. Over that period of time, they served in three countries --- Uganda, Kenya, and Tanzania.  Thank you for all who supported her.  God used this trip in truly incredible ways. She wrote this blog post one week after returning to America:

She said, “Friend,
All along-
Thought I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I’ve been learning how to die”

When I signed up for this trip, I knew I was getting in over my head. I knew I would be changed and challenged. Though I had no idea how much I would be changed. How much God would break me.

I had an idea of some changes I anticipated in myself. And those things did change, but God changed so much more that I was prepared for. Going into this trip, even after having five other missions trips under my belt and years of being a Christian and participating in a multitude of ministries, my heart was so hard. Or at least, so hard compared to how vulnerable and open God wants it to be.

I went on this trip with big aspirations of how awesome it would be. How much fun. What an adventure. And it was all of those things. But it was also one of the most painful things I’ve ever been through in my life.

Like the girl in the song, I thought I’d just be getting knowledge to use in the future. A chance to stretch and bend a little before reverting back to basically the same. A time to really live it up before settling down to school in the fall. But I wasn’t stretched and bent. I did recieve a lot of wisdom and truth I’ll carry with me through my whole life. But it wasn’t any wisdom or truth I expected. I wasn’t stretched and bent, I was ripped and broken until a new person emerged. And I learned that to live life to its fullest, I had to learn to die. Die to my flesh. Die to my desires. Die to who I had thought I should be. And be willing to die daily for Christ, His Call, and his people.

I wanted to give some kind of blogging closure to this trip. This isn’t to say I have closure on this trip. There’s children I met and stories I heard that will probably follow me for the rest of my life. There’s things I learned, and people I met, that I’m only beginning to understand the purpose of in my life. There’s a country I visited that I’m by no means done with. But I wanted to wrap this trip up on this blog at least.

I’m gonna keep learning how to break, cry and die. And you know it’s a God-thing, because I’m thrilled to learn more about those things and then walk it out. That’s right. I’m thrilled at the opportunities I’ll get to be broken. To be vulnerable and love and cry. And to die in all the ways I listed and more.

All along-
Thought I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I’ve been learning how to die