Musings from Graceland

CHRISTMAS SOMETHINGNESS (or A's Guide to Christmas Music)

Ok, if you read this blog AT ALL you will know by now that this is NOT Elysa posting. Nooo. It is her fifteen year old daughter who has been babysitting her little siblings all day (and is now driving! Scary happiness) so her mother could go and buy her something for Christmas. She (my mother, not me) called and begged (bribed) me to do this 'cause she can't go a day without at least one thing being posted on her blog. So now, I am posting for her. But it's gonna be quick 'cause I seriously need to watch some Batman/Bruce Wayne/Christian Bale.

Hmmm....something Christmas-y. What should it be? A dorky poem? A stupidly sweet story? A gag-me-I'm-choking-on-happiness-and-good-feeling song? I know! A rant against such a song. Yeah! And the obvious choice is "Christmas Shoes". Just the name is enough to send me into convulsions. I mean, honestly people, how can someone enjoy that heinous song? It's so sweet. And full of love, good nature, happiness, little smiling sweet kids and a message. Ugh. Just what I need to turn me off holidays forever. For someone ilit who has no idea what I'm talking about I'll post the revolting lyrics:

It was almost Christmas time
There I stood in another line
Tryin' to buy that last gift or two
Not really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me
Was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing 'round like little boys do
And in his hands he held a pair of shoes
His clothes were worn and old
He was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say

Sir, I want to buy these shoes
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes
Are just her size
Could you hurry, sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If mama meets Jesus tonight

He counted pennies
For what seemed like years
Then the cashier said
Son, there's not enough here
He searched his pockets frantically
Then he turned and he looked at me
He said mama made Christmas good at our house
Though most years she just did without
Tell me sir, what am I going to do?
Somehow I've got to buy her
These Christmas shoes

So I laid the money down
I just had to help him out
I'll never forget the look on his face
When he said
Mama's gonna look so great

Sir, I want to buy these shoes
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes
Are just her size
Could you hurry, sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If mama meets Jesus tonight

I knew I'd caught a glimpse
Of heaven's love
As he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent that little boy
To remind me just
What Christmas is all about

Sir, I want to buy these shoes
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes
Are just her size
Could you hurry, sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If mama meets Jesus tonight

So there's the story. A worldly man, caught up in his own life and problems is made to see beyond himself and reminded of the true meaning of Christmas by a little boy who just wants to buy a pair of shoes for his dying Mama. Ohhhh...so sweet. Ick.

Ok, first of all, that little kid is sooo gonna grow up and be a beggar. I know the way his kind works (Trust me. I live with one.). How do we know his Mama's really dying? How do we even know he has one?? And what's wrong with that Dad? Letting his kid panhandle off some stranger? That's how Al Capone started, I just know it. And again, I do not like being preached at. And that is soo what this song is doing. Awful how we are manipulated.

Well now that I have saved you all from the sickly sweetness of "Christmas Shoes" I'll give you some real X-Mas music. And by the way, don't anyone start in on me about how I'm "taking Christ out of Christmas by using an X". Do any of you even know how that started? No, you don't so I'll tell you. X was the Roman letter for Christ (and maybe perfection?) so I am not taking Christ out of anything.

Anywho, for the traditionalist that likes all that "White Christmas" stuff, try "Baby, it's Cold Outside". It's a pretty little song that everyone knows, but has anyone really payed attention to the lyrics ("Gosh, your lips look delicious!" "Hey, what's in this drink?")??? It might surprise you. *evil giggle*

For the person more into hymns and such, "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" is the best. Hands down. It's melody---done right, I'm not advocating any of those "modernized" ones---is haunting and mysterious. Ready to compete with the best of Enya. It's lyrics are incredibly inspiring and hopeful, but with an edge to them that gives a bite. Read this excerpt:

O Come O come Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the son of God appear

Oh come Desire of nations, bind
All peoples in one heart and mind;
Bid envy, strife, and sorrow cease
Fill all the world with Heaven's peace.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel!

Powerful stuff. And with the right singer you can feel the power even more.
Okyday, on to more "modern" stuff. This song is so "modern" it just came out this year! It's a really cute song, really different, but NOT all surpy. It's by Captial Lights and called "His Favorite Christmas Story". A warning, the lyrics might be slightly sweet (with a definite "Awww" factor) but it's tune is rockin!

He met her up in Delaware in 1937
She was wearing red lipstick to match her pretty dress
December 24th at a quarter till eleven is when he finally gained the courage to ask her to dance

It was the night before Christmas, it was love at first sight
The carolers sang as they danced through the night
She was a small town girl, he was a traveling guy
He never caught her name before they said their goodbyes

A couple years later he was out on the road
Having Christmas dinner in a diner alone
When he saw a young waitress with a gleam in her eye
Her favorite day of the year she showed her spirits were high
She said sir can you shed a little hardy cheer
A simple Christmas story was all she wanted to hear
He looked prepared with a smile as he started to say here's my favorite Christmas story about a Girl with No Name

He said I met her up in Delaware in 1937
She was wearing red lipstick to match her pretty dress
December 24th at a quarter till eleven is when I finally gained the courage to ask her to dance

Every holiday season as he traveled he'd tell about his Christmas dance partner that he never knew well
He'd share his favorite story with the locals he met
He was called the Christmas story tellin traveling man

By age 53 he had done settled down
All the neighborhood kids liked to gather around
Just to listen to his stories about his life on the road
All he had now were these children he told
And every Christmas eve they showed up before dark
He'd tell them all the story but they knew it by heart
They could quote it word for word, he always told it the same
It was his favorite Christmas story called The Girl with No Name

He said I met her up in Delaware in 1937
She was wearing red lipstick to match her pretty dress
December 24th at a quarter till eleven is when I finally gained the courage to ask her to dance

Twenty years later as he took his last breath
It was on a cold Christmas morning on a hospital bed
The children were grown, he had nobody left
Except the little old nurse who was holding his hand
He said Ma'am can you share a little hardy cheer
A simple Christmas story was all he wanted to hear
But his eyes filled with tears at the words that she spoke
Because his favorite Christmas story was the one that she told

She said I met him up in Delaware in 1937
Though I never caught his name he was a traveling man
December 24th at a quarter till eleven
I'm so glad he got the courage to ask me to dance

Ok, even I have to say it: Awwww! That's so sweet/sad! But now the sweetness is done and it's time for my tongue-in-cheek Christmas song. The Oogie Boogie Man's Song!

[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Well, well, well, what have we here?
Sandy Claws, huh?
Oh, I'm really scared
So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha
You're jokin', you're jokin'
I can't believe my eyes
You're jokin me, you gotta be
This can't be the right guy
He's ancient, he's ugly
I don't know which is worse
I might just split a seam now
If I don't die laughing first
When Mr. Oogie Boogie says
There's trouble close at hand
You'd better pay attention now
'Cause I'm the Boogie Man
And if you aren't shakin'
Then something's very wrong
'Cause this may be the last time now
That you hear the boogie song, ohhh
[THREE BATS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Ohhh
[SEVEN LIZARDS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Ohhh
[SEVEN LIZARDS]
Ohhh, he's the Oogie Boogie Man
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Well if I'm feelin' antsy
And there's nothin' much to do
I might just cook a special batch
Of snake and spider stew
And don't ya know one thing
That would make it work so nice?
A roly-poly Sandy Claws to add a little spice
[THREE SKELTONS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Oh, yeah
[THREE BATS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Ohhh
[THREE BATS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE & THREE SKELETONS]
Oh, yeah, I'm/he's the Oogie Boogie Man
[SANTA]
Release me now
Or you must face the dire consequences
The children are expecting me
So please come, to your senses
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
You're jokin', you're jokin' I can't believe my ears
Would someone shut this fella up I'm drownin' in my tears
It's funny, I'm laughing
You really are too much
And now, with your permission I'm going to do my stuff
[SANTA]
What are you going to do?
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
I'm gonna do the best I can
Oh, the sound of rollin' dice
To me is music in the aor
'Cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man
Although I don't play fair
It's much more fun, I must confess
When lives are on the line
Not mine, of course, but yours, old boy
Now that'd be just fine
[SANTA]
Release me fast or you will have to
Answer for this heinous act
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Oh, brother, you're something
You put me in a spin
You aren't comprehending
The position
That you're in
It's hopeless, you're finished
You haven't got a prayer
'Cause I'm Mr. Oogie Boogie
And you ain't going nowhere

Mwahahaha!!!! *evil laughter!* The Boogie Man (Oops, I mean, Oogie Boogie Man) has kidanapped "Sandy Claws"! Mwaahahhaahha! I love it.

(Insert Mother Alert Disclaimer: Don't worry, this traditional, Christmas-loving Mama has NEVER let her darling, sweet daughter watch the movie this song is from! She might turn to the dark side or something.)

So there's something Christmas-y. And it took a long time too! I so don't think I'm gonna have time to watch Batman. Oh well. This was actually kinda fun. Later!