I shared in my last post that I was struggling with the mess-up I'd made on Friday. As a recovering people pleaser, its hard for me to not only accept that I'm not perfect and I'm going to blow it at times, but also sometimes its hard to believe that people will still like me when I've committed one of those boo-boos.
Yesterday I was able to spend time with some of my girlfriends, in person and on the phone, including my new friend Rhonda. Their love and affirmation was truly balm to my hurting heart (and ego).
And then today, God ministered His love to me in so many ways---through the time of worship at church, the teaching by my friend Janine, the adoration of my husband, the kind comment left by Rhonda, and just the awareness of His presence. I set myself up as a god when I try to pretend that I am perfect. ONLY the one true God is perfect. Only the one true God never puts his entire leg in his mouth. Only the one true God never blows it big time. Only the one true God never is embarrassed.
I AM NOT GOD...I AM GOING TO FAIL! Why does it surprise me so?
But what is even more surprising is that God is not surprised. God knew from before the world was formed that on September 14, 2007, I'd say something that would make my face burn! He knew about all my past goof-ups before I did them and He knows about the ones that I'm going to do tomorrow, next week, next year...heck, for that matter, TONIGHT!
AND HE STILL LOVES ME ANYWAY.
You know, those folks who still love me and even like me despite all my foibles are a dim reflection of this truth. Obviously, they can't love me perfectly as God does, but if these folks who themselves are imperfect can still find it in their hearts to want to be around scummy old me, then I should be able to accept that a God who is all good would choose to love and put up with me, too. After all, I am His child. And because He is good, He's forgiving and compassionate and He knows I'm just clay.
A couple of weeks ago my little T drew his very first "person" picture and it was of me. Travis is absolutely crazy about me. Every nap and every night he has to get one big hug, one little hug, one big kiss, and one little kiss or he cries himself to sleep. He says all the time that when he grows up he's going to marry me. He loves me, he adores me, he likes me...despite the fact that I'm often a selfish, lazy, annoyed, and impatient mommy. He sees me lose it big time. He hears me speak with irritation in my voice. He watches me act in not very nice ways. He still loves me.
And God sees all those things and loves me, too.
Jesus loves me this I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong,
I am weak but HE is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me,
The Bible tells me so.
Dear one, He knows. He knows all the bad stuff. He knows what things have mortified you. He knows the things that you desperately hide. He knows that things that you struggle with over and over again. He knows the battles that you've lost and the ones you will lose. He knows all the nasty parts...but He still loves you.
He loves you anyway.