Wednesday, January 11, 2012


...I am feeling so so many mixed emotions. Mostly good, as this smile attests, but also other feelings.

P1100282 Resized

I've worked hard today, along with the kids and Jim, on getting packed up and ready to go and through out the day, there have been a fair share of ups and downs, good things and not so good.

I'm excited, obviously. Everyone around me and those who are friends with me on facebook know I've been counting down the weeks and days til we depart for quite a while now. I'll probably be skipping down the concourse at the airport in Johannesburg. Either that, or doing my own rendition of a traditional African dance.

I am feeling so incredibly blessed and honored. This is truly a dream come true to go with my husband and all our beautiful children to Swaziland. God has given me such an incredible trip and has used so many precious people to make this trip possible.

I am also feeling a bit anxious. Will we forget important items? Why can't I find the missing extra memory card for the camera? How will the kids handle flying? Will we lose anyone in Paris? YIKES! That just reminds me, I've still got to make little i.d. cards for them to have with them with our cell phone number in case they do get separated from us!

Okay, so now I'm actually feeling more than a bit anxious.

I'm also feeling sad for my 8 year old. He just won't accept the fact that he can't take his stuffed Big Dog on the airplane. There is a reason he is called BIG Dog. He's got several other stuffed animals, but he's fixating on this one. Pray for him to not let his put a mar on the start of his trip and he'll wake up at peace with our decision and ready to pick another animal friend. It hurts my mommy heart that I can't just make him be okay with the situation and move on. I hate seeing him so deeply upset.

And then I'm back to the anxious part. We received so many great donations from people. But when it came time to pack it all up, we just couldn't fit it all. As it is, we are taking 14 checked pieces of luggage and 18 carry-on pieces of luggage. I know we could have technically had 18 checked bags, but we have got to be able to transport the luggage from the Johannesburg Airport to Swaziland. The van that we are renting is bigger than a mini-van but smaller than the 15 passenger van that we drive and which will transport all our stuff to the airport tomorrow. So I'm feeling not great about the situation. We did pack everything that was requested or sent for specific people. We are leaving behind duplicates and items that weren't requested but would have been nice to take. All of these items will still be used for ministry eventually, but it still just makes me sad to not be able to take it all. Yet, I'm fearful of what will happen when we land in Johannesburg. In the past, our teams have always been met by a van and trailer sent over by missionaries in Swaziland. The trailer ensured plenty of room for luggage. But because we are going over as a family and need to have our own transportation to use the whole time we're there in Africa, we won't have a trailer for copious amounts of luggage. I know that this kind of fear is not from God. I have prayed that I used wisdom and packed the right amount. So pray that God will work it out and pray that I won't allow the worry to rob me of the joy of this journey. My sweet husband said that even if he had to rent another van, he'd make it happen. I am blessed. If my husband would go to such great lengths, I know my God would and will.

If the Red Sea, Jericho's Walls, and a giant named Goliath were no big deal for Him, then I know with my head that a bunch of luggage filled with socks for orphans, clothes for hardworking grannies, school supplies for kids who are living in extreme poverty, and little toys and goodies to bring joy to little ones and the big ones who serve them, is absolutely something God can provide for. Now pray that I'll let that sink deep into my spirit.

If I'm going to effectively serve Him on the mission field for the rest of my life, then I have GOT to learn to trust Him with childlike faith.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. He is using them mightily. I guarantee that and I look forward to sharing the stories of how He works once we get back or even, perhaps, some from Africa.

Til then, as the Swazis say, sala kahle (stay well)!

1 comment:

Drewe Llyn said...

Praying for safe travels, peaceful spirits, wisdom in all things, great ministry opportunities, lots of energy, and memories that will carry you through those days a head when your nest begins to empty.

Much love!