Musings from Graceland

TIME WITH A 14 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER

Daughter B and I are hanging out as I catch up on my email, facebook, Five-in-a-Row forum, etc, etc. as the King of Siam would say.

I thought it was about time to have another interview session here at Graceland. So here goes....

Tell me, B, what do you think is the most amazing thing going on in your life right now.

What a horrible person I am in other people's eyes.

Wow. That is truly amazing....?

Yes, it is. And I don't want to talk about it.

Okay then. So, ummmm, what's something amazing going on in someone else's life right now?

My bff MJ is writing a parody of the Lion King to fit her life and she is playing Swine Flu.

Swine Flu?

It's her biggest fear.

Uh huh. So how does it fit into the whole Lion King parody plot?

I have no idea. I haven't read it yet. (Said as Daughter B laughs.)

Okay. Well, I am sure it will be truly a unique creation.

Truly unique sounds about right.

Are you working on anything creative right now?

A purple scarf. I just learned how to knit and the purl stitch is my enemy so I'm using a plain stitch and it looks boring.

I don't think it looks boring.

Thanks, Mom.

You're welcome, Sweetie.

(We star at each other silently for a moment til B starts laughing.)

Anything tragical happen today?

My little sister swallowed a poison berry today while we were babysitting her.

But she survived...unless you managed to clone her before I got home.

No, she survived....unwillingly, though.

Unwillingly?

She wanted to die rather than to throw up the poison berry that she had scarfed down like a little idiot.

My children, so emo. So dramatic. So...so...

Beautiful? (Giggle.)

Yeah, that's it. SO BEAUTIFUL! If only you all survive to adulthood. Sigh....

ANYWAY, on to more positive, happy, furry-kitten thoughts.

Blood-sucking, ninja kitten!!!

Oh yeah, that's what my 10 year old son called himself tonight. You gotta admit, it's got a certain ring to it. As I said, what truly dramatic children I have. I'm sure it must be a sign of genius.

(Snickerish Snorts) From Dad's side of the family.

Hey! They may be smart, but I think you have to admit that the Harveys have the drama going on.

And that's a good thing?

It's interesting. Never a dull moment with us!

You sound like Coraline's mom when you said that.

Coraline's real mom or her "other mother"?

Her "other mother" because her real mom would have been deadpan..."neveradullmomentwithus"...but her "other mother" would have been "NEVER a dull m-o-m-e-n-n-n-t with US"!

Wow. I'm the evil "other mother". I feel so flattered. Really. How kind of you.

You're welcome.

(Big Sigh) There may be a bunch of our readers out there who don't get this because they've not seen Coraline. Can you give us a quick synopsis?

So there's this weird girl in it named Coraline with blue hair who is SO emo. She moves to this apartment house with her uncaring and boring parents and discovers there another world where she has an "other mother" and "other father" who are way more exciting. Blah, blah, blah. She gets captured so she has to stay in the other world, escapes, her real parents get kidnapped, returns, meets a kitty cat, saves the day, watches a rat circus, and has a song written about her. The end.

And I'm sure that totally clears up any confusion.

It's a Tim Burton movie. What can I say?

That DEFINITELY explains it.

Did you learn any valuable lessons from Coraline, dear, sweet B?

Yes. Do NOT trust ladies with button eyes.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA....

Or seashell bikinis.